In the Beginning

 In the Beginning

In the beginning there is a family. It is not in any way remarkable. It is a very ordinary family, just like yours and mine.

In this family there are five people. The father's name is Ben. He is forty-five, thinning on top, soft around the middle. He has his own business and brings home the bacon. He is fond of his children and does not beat his wife.

Rose is the mother. She is forty-two, a little weary after twenty years of war with her waistline. She is a loving mother, an efficient home-maker and she doesn't cheat on Ben.

There are three children. Their ages range from six to seventeen. They are of great importance to themselves. But for our purposes, for the moment, they are simply The Children.

This unremarkable family goes on living from day to day.

Ben and Rose often ask themselves –  Is this all there is? But they do not ask each other.

One day, Ben comes into the kitchen. He is looking for Rose. She is boiling eggs.

‘Rose.'

He has used her name very little recently, so she looks up, surprised.

‘We have to talk.'

The world collapses, years spiral into turmoil, lives are shattered. Rose knows now that all these disasters were once heralded by that phrase. We have to talk.

‘I've got to get away for a bit. I think we need a break from each other, just for a while. I'm sorry to do it like this, but I'm just not happy.'

Rose watches the eggs. She is fascinated by the way they bubble to the surface on a geyser of boiling water. One of them has just split and is oozing a gelatinous whiteness into the troubled water. She knows now that it will be all watery inside.

It is a morning made for cliches. We have to talk. My knees turned to jelly. I couldn't believe my ears. We decided on a trial separation.

Rose looks into Ben's face to see if there are answers there, any clues to explain the bag packed and ready at his feet.

‘Now?' she asks stupidly.

He shrugs. ‘I don't see any point in waiting. This has been coming for a good while. You know that.'

Does she? Is this what he has meant by his long silences, his growing dissatisfaction with business, his restlessness? She is aware that something has been bubbling underneath for some time, but perhaps a holiday, a weekend away together without the children … ? Now it seems that it is not so easily fixed, whatever it is.

She feels quite calm. She turns off the hob and wipes the splashes away, trying not to look at him.

She believes that it is so with all the great crises in people's lives. The moment passes without any great drama. The drama comes afterwards.

She is aware of the moment, of him, of herself, of the now quietly steaming saucepan of eggs. She knows all these details are engraving themselves behind her eyes, to be replayed over and over again. She pulls her gaze away from the comfortable, the familiar. She focuses on Ben.

‘Can't we talk? Do you have to go now, before we've even had a chance to discuss it?'

He makes a gesture of impatience.

‘I've been trying to talk to you for years. I must get away to clear my head. I'll call you when I get back.'

She knows that he is determined, also exasperated.

‘Aren't you even angry?' he demands. ‘Throw something, thump me if you want, but for Christ's sake, react.'

‘No, I'm not angry,' she says. ‘I don't know what I am, but I don't want to thump you.'

Ben starts abruptly towards the door.

‘This is final, isn't it? This isn't just for a while?'

Ben turns towards her, his face white.

‘I think so. 1 don't love you any more.'

And now he is gone. The door closes quietly behind him.

Rose calls to the children that it is time to leave for school.

She puts their lunch-boxes on the table and another day begins.

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