Thorn

M.C. Logan

Thorn-High-Resolution

 

Letter from client
(Attached to front of sealed package of journals)

 

I always thought that guiding your children was a parent’s most important duty. I wanted to be able to offer advice to you as you grew, to try and steer you away from the things that would hurt you. It was very important to me that this happen, largely because my own mother never did this for me.

I saw myself at your side, whispering words of wisdom. I pictured you thanking me for warning you about the darker side of life, keeping you away from it, and safe. I wanted so very badly to be a good mother and to do this myself.

My recent diagnosis has made this unlikely.

The doctors have told me that I have between two and four years left on this Earth. I would like to live longer and would love them all to be very wrong in what they say but they all seem to be gloomily in agreement.

Despite the fact that I cannot now be by your side to keep you safe from harm, I am still determined to offer some guidance to you. My own mother never warned me about anything and the end result was that I went on to make almost exactly the same mistakes she made. If I can prevent my own children from following in my footsteps, then I will be content. I want – I need – to know that the circle will finally be broken and that I won’t have to look up from Hell and watch my children do what I did. I pray every night that you will be braver, cleverer or simply luckier than that.

I felt the best way to guide you was to tell you about my life and especially about Sean Tierney, the man I married.

One of the nurses here told me that many people afflicted with cancer try to put their life into perspective. Many will write about their past. For me, this was a very difficult thing to do. When I finally began to walk down the path I ultimately chose, I had to be able to completely cover up what I had done. I have a superb memory and could recollect names and numbers with ease. I never wrote anything down. In the straight world it would have been evidence against me. In my world it would have been a death sentence.

So, it seemed like a strange idea to write down, with complete honesty, the things I have done. At first I didn’t know myself why I was doing it but then I realised that I was writing for you.

Being so honest has been hard. The memories that were brought back have reduced me to tears on several occasions. However, if you are to avoid repeating the same mistakes, then you need the truth, the whole truth, about what I did and why.

You need to know about Sean Tierney.

As time passed, I have noticed that people’s memories can play tricks on them. They only remember the good things about a person, not the bad. I am quite sure that people will tell you about the man I married. His business partners, the ones who fronted the legitimate businesses anyway, will describe a charming man with a roguish sense of humour, a strong man who loved nothing more than his family. These same people are the ones Sean used to laugh at. He called them ‘weaklings’ and ‘maggots’. I doubt many of them even realised there was another side to my husband. Virtually no-one knew the real Sean Tierney. It was one of his gifts. But I did. I knew him completely and I need to pass on what I knew because I can think of no punishment worse than seeing one of my children end up a friend, business associate or, worst of all, wife to such a man.

I do deserve to be punished and have no qualms about accepting some pain in the next life for what I’ve done in this one but I pray every night that my children will be spared that. That is the one thing I could not bear.
In leaving you my journals, I ask for you to understand why I did what I did. I am not asking for your forgiveness. I know that I have done evil things and I know that God will punish me for them. I will endure whatever fate he decrees is mine. I have never gone to confess my sins and, when I am on my deathbed, I will not ask for forgiveness even then because if I have any regrets, it is that I did not act sooner.

I am convinced the cancer in my lung is part of God’s punishment. I was raised a good Christian and I could quote the Beatitudes and the Ten Commandments by heart. The doctors (most of them atheists, I have discovered) tell me that the cancer is caused by heavy smoking from an early age. I know better though. I’ve broken most of the Commandments and this is the result. The strange thing is that I don’t really mind. Don’t misunderstand, I hate the pain and the fear that I have not got long to live but it seems only fair and just. I have done bad things and must accept the consequences. As long as my children do not share my fate, I can endure almost anything.

Read my journals. I’ve tried to include everything I can remember and my memory is still excellent. I hope my words will keep you safe.

I have always and always will love you.
Rosemary

Thorn Description:

When people look at her, Rosemary Tierney knows that all they see is a victim.

She knows that they see the woman whose father abused her for years. She knows that they see the woman who married a local gangster renowned for his quick temper and brutal methods.

But Rosie has a secret.

It’s a secret that she can never share with anyone, it’s a secret that could cost her her life and it’s a secret that will eventually lead her down the path towards acts of betrayal, violence and cold blooded murder.

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