Introduction
Thank you for picking up your copy of Beloved, I Love You So… A 40 Year Love Story Told in Letters — a book born out of enduring love.
This book was created organically, out of a need for me to express the love I continued to feel for a man who played an important part in my life, and who I was never able to forget. Over the course of 40 years, I continued to remember him, often wondering what he was doing and whether he was thinking of me.
In the early days of our love, much of our communication was played out in letters sent back and forth over the miles — so when the relationship ended, writing letters to him became a way for me to continue to communicate with my beloved across the distance of both physical and mental space.
The letters contained herein were originally intended as a way for me to process my feelings, but as I began to show the letters to friends, it became clear that others profoundly identified with my story. Eventually, a friend encouraged me to share the letters publicly, both as a way to continue to process my own feelings, but also as a way to help others laugh, cry, and heal from their own journeys through the ups and downs of love.
It is my hope that by reading Beloved, I Love You So…, you’ll find something that speaks to you, and that you’ll be able to identify with the many emotions, feelings and messages you may have wanted to send to that past or present special person in your life. It fills me with joy to think about helping others through the simple act of publishing my own story.
Whether you’re a regular letter writer or not, may Beloved, I Love You So… offer you those heartfelt love letters you’ve always wanted to receive.
Letter #1
Beloved,
I've loved you such a long time.
Sometimes joyfully, sometimes resentfully, and sometimes painfully.
I’ve loved you in meetings, trysts, holidays, and letters.
I’ve loved you in times together and times apart.
I’ve loved you as you’ve travelled the globe and I’ve stayed put.
I’ve loved you in the sunshine and in the rain.
I’ve loved you close up and from afar.
I’ve loved you as a young girl and as a mature woman.
I’ve loved you in tears, happy and sad.
I’ve loved you under the sun and in the wistful night sky filled with moon and stars.
I’ve loved you in all of my body.
I’ve loved you with my mind, my heart, and of course my soul.
I’ve loved you even when I haven’t wanted to, when I’ve pushed you from my heart and mind (or at least tried to).
I’ve loved you when I’ve pretended not to.
I’ve loved you openly, longingly, willingly, and not.
I’ve loved you when I thought I had no more love to give, and when I closed my heart to loving you.
I’ve loved you when you’ve travelled the world to see me and when you’ve gone away.
And here I am about to start my late mid-life, not yet crone and not wife . . . and still I love you.
I’ve stopped judging me for loving you.
I’ve stopped trying to figure out why or how I could.
I’ve stopped calling you and me names like fool.
I’ve stopped asking for loving you to be gone from me.
I’ve stopped running from all our history, real and imagined, present and not.
I’ve stopped trying to be with you and not . . .
I’ve stopped . . . I’ve stopped . . .
It’s when you stop that magic happens.
What is . . . is.
I love you. That is all.
Dear Beloved, love is all there is between us.
Love is everything. Everything is love.
Love is all.
I accept without wishing, wanting, hoping, desiring anything.
I accept I love you, dearest Beloved.
That truly is all.
And my heart is full and deeply grateful to experience this love for you.
Beloved, I love you so . . .
Beloved, I Love You So… Description:
One woman’s great love story told in the letters she wrote.
Beloved, I Love You So is more than a memoir about love. It’s a profound exploration of what it is to love in all its many nuances, depths, forms, symbols, and senses. This is a book that takes you on a very personal and multi-faceted voyage into that most human and, at the same time, most divine of emotions.
When you have read the last letter, turned the last page of the book, and arrived at the end of your journey, you will discover your understanding of love has been immeasurably expanded and enriched.
You will never experience love quite the same way again. You will be forever changed.
A lyrical lesson in how to love and be loved.
