“I don’t care. I am not going to be filmed holding a fucking ugly baby.” Cherry Versace-Laboutin shrieked at Lionel, the location producer. “You either get me a fucking better looking baby or I’m going back to the fucking hotel.”
“Andy, love, can you have a word. There must be a better looking baby somewhere in this godforsaken hole.”
“I’ll see what I can do Lionel. Hold on for a moment. Perhaps it would be best if we got everyone out of the heat for a few minutes.”
“Good idea. Can everyone go back to the cars please and wait in the cool. Thank you all.” The small crowd shuffled off towards the fleet of air-conditioned SUVs that stood just out of camera shot.
I turned to Jacob, my interpreter. “I’m afraid there’s a bit of a problem with the baby they’ve chosen. We need to get a different one.”
“The baby is the grandson of the village headman. He’ll be offended if we don’t use him.”
“Ah, I see the problem. Perhaps he has a granddaughter we could use instead?”
Jacob turned to the representative of the villagers and entered into a lengthy conversation. I glanced over to the cars in which the producer, the film crew, Cherry Versace-Laboutin, and her entourage were now sitting. A trickle of sweat ran down the back of my neck and I hated them with my whole being. The whole shoot had been one problem after another, and Cherry Versace-Laboutin was the root cause of them all.
Jacob and the man walked towards one of the huts and stooped to go inside. That looked promising, unless they had just gone to get out of the heat as well. I was left on my own in the middle of the narrow, filth strewn street. A small group of boys gathered round me, staring up, hopeful of some sweets. I was known to be the custodian of the sweets. I obliged by handing out the remainder of the sticky objects that I had in my shoulder bag. I felt a small pang of guilt about what I might be doing to their teeth, especially as we were so far from a dentist.
It seemed like an age before Jacob and the man came back out of the hut accompanied, I was pleased to see, by a woman carrying a child of about two years of age. The child was naked but for a disposable nappy.
“This is the head man’s great niece. He will accept her being in the film providing his grandson is also in it.” Jacob reported. “He can be shown playing, perhaps.”
“Well done Jacob. Thanks. Look, the disposable nappy will have to go. Can you see if you can find something that looks a bit less “Rich West” and a bit more ‘Poor Africa’.” I left him to deal with that while I walked over to Lionel’s SUV and he lowered the window.
“I think I have a compromise. A rather pretty little girl, as long as we also film the boy. He doesn’t have to be in the final cut of course, just a few seconds of filming with him playing in the muck to keep the village headman happy.”
“OK, I think I can get Cherry to buy into that.” Lionel opened the car door and sauntered over to Cherry’s SUV and held a lengthy conversation. His body language suggested that he was having to do a lot of persuading. That didn’t surprise me, everything that involved Cherry always involved a lot of persuasion, or arse licking as I preferred to call it. She hadn’t even seen the child yet.
The Charity Thieves Description:
When did working with a TV company become an invitation to be a detective and to risk life and limb? Andy Mirren gets the job of Liaison Manager between the Moses Odama Foundation and Metro TV, the production company that produces their annual telethon. Andy thought his life would be one of rubbing shoulders with celebrities and hobnobbing with the glitterati. How wrong he was. He soon discovers that not all the money raised goes to help the starving people of Africa. Much of it seems to go to the oh so greedy staff at Metro TV through a series of scams, fiddles and downright fraud. Andy decides to do a little bit of detective work in order to prove it.
In the meantime, however, he has to look after a selection of prima donnas, wannabees and idiots as they carry out location filming in Africa. With runaway teenagers, ivory poachers and kidnappers to deal with, Andy has a lot on his plate, plus a growing infatuation with the glamorous Charleese Morgan, Queen of the Country Music scene. Will Andy survive to expose the wrong doing at Metro TV? Or will the people he has to deal with silence him before they can be exposed?
I thoroughly enjoyed this book, though it makes you wonder how close to the truth it might be. Nevertheless, the characters are likeable and despicable as appropriate, with a nice scattering of those you can’t be sure about, to keep you on your toes. There’s a nice light touch to keep things amusing with some wry observations that add to the entertaining feel of the book as the drama unfolds.
If the characters are based on anyone, then I hope they don’t recognise themselves. Some might not like the publicity.
Recommended.