ABOUT WEIGHT SCALES
I was bulimic when a teenager. Fortunately, I have overcome it and today I’m a perfectly ordinary woman. After each meal, I take a laxative.
As every other woman, I got a problem with weight scales. They, same as men, are: mean and blunt, never telling what you expect.
Currently, I’ve discovered an infallible method to lose weight: not eating anything after eight. I wake up, have breakfast, and starve untill bedtime.
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WORKOUT DAY
LUCREZIA wears a leotard and hops up and down while she prepares to leave home. It is quite early in the morning. Her HUSBAND enters the stage just when she is about to set off for the gym.
HUSBAND
(Yawning)
Lucrezia, what time is it?
LUCREZIA
(Excited)
It’s five in the morning, honey.
HUSBAND
(Sleepy)
What are you doing up this early?
LUCREZIA
(Jumping up and down)
Going to the gym! Nothing will stop me from starting my workout! I joined a class last Friday, paid six months in advance and today is my first day!
(Pointing finger at her husband)
I feel sorry for anyone who chooses to stand in my way!
HUSBAND
But why so early?
LUCREZIA
(Angry)
Why so early?
(Outraged)
Why so early? Because it’s impossible to do anything for my own sake after you and the children wake up.
HUSBAND
(Heavy-eyed)
You’re exaggerating!
LUCREZIA
Yes! Exaggerating at my candy, lunch, and dinner eating. The time to diet and work out has come! I refuse to become one of those obese housewives that won’t go to the beach because they are embarrassed to put on a bikini.
HUSBAND
(Sluggish)
You look great!
Crazy as Hell: The craziness women do and guys love Description:
CRAZY AS HELL is a collection of humorous written texts created between 1991 and 2015 by Emilio Boechat, a playwright and author of successful comedies such as: CAMILA BAKER, EU ERA TUDO PRA ELA & ELA ME DEIXOU, O SOL ESTÁ QUENTE & A ÁGUA ESTÁ ÓTIMA, TUDO DE MIM and LULUZINHAS among others; and TV Soaps such as OS MUTANTES, BELA A FEIA, REBELDES, PECADO MORTAL and OS DEZ MANDAMENTOS).
All the texts written for this book depict women characters facing everyday situations, which can drive any of them crazy. With a dash of nonsense, exaggeration, and unexpected endings, typical female problems are approached in a unique, clever, refined, and entertaining way throughout the book. In it you will find different kinds of women: one who is constantly undergoing plastic surgeries; one who is always delaying to start working out; one who thinks her son is a TV star; one who dreams of taking her boss’ place; one who overstresses her daughter’s protection; one who loves male strip clubs; one who claims being arrested for a crime she did not commit; and many more funny but not at all fragile characters.
