I am not a writer, and I never thought I would be the author of a book. The idea for the memoir entered my brain decades ago. The thought was simple- write about my experiences with depression and suicide and hopefully help others who were struggling like me. At the time, I thought that the idea was stupid because I did not believe I could write a book, and I was sure that no one would be interested in my ramblings. So, I put the idea somewhere in the darkest recesses of my mind.
I also knew that I did not have enough in my thoughts to inspire others which I desperately wanted. The idea kept coming back to me, and each time it grew stronger and stronger. I still thought that I did not have enough to write the story I wanted to tell, so starting the memoir was as close as Mars.
It just happened that the rest of my life was full of tragedy, shock, pain and the experiences my book needed. It wasn’t nice to live through, but it gave me the book I always wanted. I had the book in my head, but I did not start writing it. I did not have the confidence or self-belief even to sort out the big pile of notes I had kept for years.
The book grew in my mind until it took over my thoughts anytime I was not concentrating on something else. It grew to be a colossal millstone around my neck that was dragging me and my mood down. It wanted to explode out of my brain, and I could feel it trying to escape. Eventually, I had no choice but to start releasing my story and getting it down on paper. I did it because I had to. I had to find a way to take all that pressure out of my mind. I did it to help ease my depression and to try to help someone else.
So, I wrote In Two Minds, a kind of memoir to help myself and hopefully others too. It was incredibly difficult for me, but I am happy that it is finished and published now. It took over three years but is a kind of a legacy for me, which is why I was as honest as I could be. I am pleased that those who have read the book have only good things to say about it. My Dad finished reading it yesterday, and he was full of praise, and I was delighted. I was not too sure how he and Mam would react, but Dad was thrilled with it. I cannot ask for anymore.
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